Jon/Kok (whatever moniker you're going by now =P), and also to whoever's left in Brunei, whoever's still reading this blog: I'll be back 19th November. Okay, technically, 21st November, since I'll be in S'pore for a few days. I'll be meeting my mom and aunt there... not to meet me, but for their personal agenda (read: shopping). Of course, I will not hesitate to take advantage of their agendas for being in S'pore. (Hehehe.)
Oh yes, before I forget: Bev, happy 20th birthday!! Hope you're doing well wherever you are, and continue to grow in God's love, remembering that His grace is sufficient for all our needs =)
Having second thoughts about going back so early now... the theme for OCF Convention in December is "Awake", with the theme verse from Roman 13:11, and it's a really good one, now that I really think about it, and quite timely as well. Complacency is a real issue that most Christians are in right now, and we don't talk or think about the end times enough, simply because the urgency doesn't seem to manifest itself. In addition, we covered that particular segment in the book of Romans recently in BSF (Bible Study Fellowship), so it's gotten me thinking about it as well. But I've already changed my flight dates TWICE, and I don't want to go back to the SIA office AGAIN. Ahh. On the other hand, I'm returning to Melbourne in early January for summer course, and the only reason why I'm coming back early to Brunei is to prolong my holiday back home.
Anyway.
Talking about urgency... it's about time I get a sense of urgency about the impending exams which are coming upon me... I have yet to get started on my 50% essay, I have to start studying for Music Techniques, as well as aural practices (damn those seventh chords - it's okay, you don't have to know what they are, just that they all seem to sound the same to me, much to my frustration); plus, squeezing in as much practice time as I can for my practical exam. I'm hoping to memorize my pieces this time round, even if it's not compulsory. Recital exams are open, so I can invite friends. I've got Holtham as my examiner (!!!) but Professor McGee is the other examiner, hopefully I'll feel less nervous since he seems pretty nice (as opposed to - okay, I shall not complain. Ahem.)
I seem to be ranting quite a fair bit. You guys probably didn't understand any of that; it's okay. Lol.
I've mentioned it before, but practical exams will always, to me, hold more stress than written papers do. With written papers, you can prepare and know your stuff, if you've studied hard enough, but you can never prepare for a practical exam last minute. It's just not possible. And it's a once-through event. The piece is played; bang - that's it. No turning back. No second chances. Every mistake is noted by the examiners, and that's it. It's a merciless project. From the moment I place my fingers on the keys, there cannot be any false starts. It begins now and if I screw it, I can't show it, I have to keep pressing on and play through. I can't show my despair and disappointment, I have to play it through to the end. And at the end, if I feel crap and if I feel that it was a terrible performance, the tears and disappointment will come, and worse, nothing can change it.
That was what happened with my Grade 6 exam. I was in Form 1 then, and I was going through the difficult phase where I hated the piano and wanted to give it up. My mom, of course, refused to let me. (And of course, "mothers really know best" when you look back on such events - I'm grateful now that she didn't let me quit.) Maybe it was just that I had grown tired of it - playing since I was 5, and taking practical exams almost every year. My life always seemed to have been revolving around music ever since I could remember.
But anyway, coming back to that particular time... to cut the story short, I was going through the 'I-hate-piano' phase, and didn't practice as much as I should have. The day of the exam came. I didn't prepare well; I probably wasn't prepared at all. I came out of the exam room in tears. Neither my mom nor my teacher uttered the dreaded "I told you so". I think the ordeal itself was punishment enough. In the end, I just passed by a small margin. It was a huge shock.
My passion since then didn't quite fully recover... I used to practice everyday, and loved and enjoyed it. But I guess some part of me has grown jaded with the years, and it's sad when I think about it. But some passion must have remained for me to still go down this path. And I'm trying my best to cling onto that.
I'm still rediscovering that joy and passion, and I like to believe that it is coming back. When I think about this path I've chosen now, I refuse to allow any regrets to consume me anymore. There's nothing else that I would have done. Music is it. And I will stick with it.
It's been quite awhile since I wrote such a long post... Gosh. Maybe I just needed to pour out some stuff... thanks for reading if you took the time...
Oh yes, before I forget: Bev, happy 20th birthday!! Hope you're doing well wherever you are, and continue to grow in God's love, remembering that His grace is sufficient for all our needs =)
Having second thoughts about going back so early now... the theme for OCF Convention in December is "Awake", with the theme verse from Roman 13:11, and it's a really good one, now that I really think about it, and quite timely as well. Complacency is a real issue that most Christians are in right now, and we don't talk or think about the end times enough, simply because the urgency doesn't seem to manifest itself. In addition, we covered that particular segment in the book of Romans recently in BSF (Bible Study Fellowship), so it's gotten me thinking about it as well. But I've already changed my flight dates TWICE, and I don't want to go back to the SIA office AGAIN. Ahh. On the other hand, I'm returning to Melbourne in early January for summer course, and the only reason why I'm coming back early to Brunei is to prolong my holiday back home.
Anyway.
Talking about urgency... it's about time I get a sense of urgency about the impending exams which are coming upon me... I have yet to get started on my 50% essay, I have to start studying for Music Techniques, as well as aural practices (damn those seventh chords - it's okay, you don't have to know what they are, just that they all seem to sound the same to me, much to my frustration); plus, squeezing in as much practice time as I can for my practical exam. I'm hoping to memorize my pieces this time round, even if it's not compulsory. Recital exams are open, so I can invite friends. I've got Holtham as my examiner (!!!) but Professor McGee is the other examiner, hopefully I'll feel less nervous since he seems pretty nice (as opposed to - okay, I shall not complain. Ahem.)
I seem to be ranting quite a fair bit. You guys probably didn't understand any of that; it's okay. Lol.
I've mentioned it before, but practical exams will always, to me, hold more stress than written papers do. With written papers, you can prepare and know your stuff, if you've studied hard enough, but you can never prepare for a practical exam last minute. It's just not possible. And it's a once-through event. The piece is played; bang - that's it. No turning back. No second chances. Every mistake is noted by the examiners, and that's it. It's a merciless project. From the moment I place my fingers on the keys, there cannot be any false starts. It begins now and if I screw it, I can't show it, I have to keep pressing on and play through. I can't show my despair and disappointment, I have to play it through to the end. And at the end, if I feel crap and if I feel that it was a terrible performance, the tears and disappointment will come, and worse, nothing can change it.
That was what happened with my Grade 6 exam. I was in Form 1 then, and I was going through the difficult phase where I hated the piano and wanted to give it up. My mom, of course, refused to let me. (And of course, "mothers really know best" when you look back on such events - I'm grateful now that she didn't let me quit.) Maybe it was just that I had grown tired of it - playing since I was 5, and taking practical exams almost every year. My life always seemed to have been revolving around music ever since I could remember.
But anyway, coming back to that particular time... to cut the story short, I was going through the 'I-hate-piano' phase, and didn't practice as much as I should have. The day of the exam came. I didn't prepare well; I probably wasn't prepared at all. I came out of the exam room in tears. Neither my mom nor my teacher uttered the dreaded "I told you so". I think the ordeal itself was punishment enough. In the end, I just passed by a small margin. It was a huge shock.
My passion since then didn't quite fully recover... I used to practice everyday, and loved and enjoyed it. But I guess some part of me has grown jaded with the years, and it's sad when I think about it. But some passion must have remained for me to still go down this path. And I'm trying my best to cling onto that.
I'm still rediscovering that joy and passion, and I like to believe that it is coming back. When I think about this path I've chosen now, I refuse to allow any regrets to consume me anymore. There's nothing else that I would have done. Music is it. And I will stick with it.
It's been quite awhile since I wrote such a long post... Gosh. Maybe I just needed to pour out some stuff... thanks for reading if you took the time...
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