It was the last day of school for the year 12 students today. A farewell assembly was held after school, and was very emotional for some friends, who had been here for quite a few years.

Being here for a year only thus far, I guess it's rather hard to relate to the memories and times that we'll be leaving behind. Nevertheless, it is still sad, knowing that some of the people I have met in these short 9 months, I'll probably never meet or talk to them again.

Looking through the notes and messages left by people who signed in my book, I realize with a jolt that, this is it. It's finally ended. My years of schooling have ultimately come to this, and there would be no more fixed timetables. No more familiar faces that we'll be able to see everyday, none of that easy classroom atmosphere; the caramederie between friends and teachers. No more uniforms, no more desks and chairs... no more ...

Somehow, graduation just doesn't feel complete without my own friends beside me. It is a special event, a once-in-a-lifetime event; high school graduation, they say, is the most memorable and meaningful, even more than university graduation (since it's not as personal). And I really would have loved to share the memory of graduating high school with my own friends, whom I have known for more than 5-10 years. Knowing that we share all these memories and times together would make it much more meaningful.

Still, these 9 months here at Murdoch College has taught me lot, despite everything. There are new memories, new friends, and I shall treasure them always.

It's sad. I was almost in tears myself, seeing my closer friends sobbing. But... it's just that, this is it. Next year, most of us would have gone on to university, and it would be a completely different and drastic switch from school life.

You guys who are still in college... treasure your days while you're still in "school". We may complain, but ultimately, we'll miss those "good ol' days".

I have to admit though, I'll miss those days back in SAS much more than I will here. But what makes my year here more poignant, I guess, is just that this is my final year of normal schooling as we know our lives to have been for the past 10 years. The routine has ended.

Tomorrow is graduation ceremony and ball; and that would mark the climax and ending of high school.

Another chapter has closed; life goes on.

When we look back one day, would we wish that we could have done something different? Regrets, disappointment, the bittersweet memories, joy, laughter, sadness... Dissolving into one, fading into oblivion as the years catch up with us...

I think I'm just too sensitive sometimes... =(

But I'll definitely miss everyone and the memories.

Sorry for the lack of updates... Blogging still isn't really something I can get used to. There's so many things I want to say, I wish to say, I need to say, but...

Sigh. Been contemplating whether I should let you guys know what's been going on... Feel really messed up, and... oh heck it. I mean, only my friends read this blog, so it's alright I guess. I've told Hui (you would have told Juang, I think) and Joyce a little bit about what's going on (don't know if you guys know what I'm referring to), and last night was on the phone for three hours with Tiong (who unashamedly admitted that he never reads this blog nor read any of my emails earlier in the year. Whacks him).

*stares at the screen*

I think I'll send an email after all...

I miss home... Just one month more... just 30 more days... And my mom still hasn't changed my flight. Don't really want to bother her about it as she's got her hands full already... and it's kind of hard for her to do much, I would think, with her flying in and out of Brunei...

You guys are probably wondering what I'm rambling about... It's ok. I just need to rant. Don't need to understand.

I'm on the verge of panic.

This is so random.

Anyway, auditions on Saturday were... hm... so-so. It took only about 15 min.

After a church brother dropped me off at University of Western Australia, I went to the building where the auditions were held and one of the teachers told me that I could warm up in the other room first, if I wanted to. Apparently they were ahead of time, and were... quite free, so to speak. So I went and just "warmed up" my hands. xp

I had a feeling I was taking longer than expected, so I rushed back and with my heart in my mouth, told them, "Yes, I'm ready."

As far as auditions go, they don't usually listen to the whole song, just a bit of it, so I was already expecting to be "stop"-ped in the middle of my playing.

I started off with Bach's Praeludium and Fuga 12 in F minor.

They listened to the whole of the Prelude. x_x

"Thank you... can we just have a little of the Fugue, please?"

Ok.

I played the first two pages, and just when I was about to turn the page -

"Okay, that's alright. Thank you."

I thought I did rather ... *ahem* good for Bach.

But panic set in when I started on my second piece, Schubert's Impromptu in Gb major. The keys felt foreign to my fingers - I couldn't, simply could not control the inner voice (you don't have to understand what that is) and bring out the melody. My pedalling was a bit weird as well. It sounded terribly messy to me and I was desperately trying to bring the piece under control, but it went further and further beyond my reach. I was almost about to give up by the end of the second page, and actually stopped at the same time the teacher coughed and said,

"Stop."

I breathed. But I felt terrible.

Then, the teacher got up and went to the piano, while saying,

"I'll ask you some aural questions now; I'll be playing some chords on the piano" - He seated himself and played some chords - "and let me know what you think it is - inversion, chord, etc. It's okay if you don't know it."

I grinned nervously and informed him, "Oh... I've... forgotten most of my theory."

"Oh, it's no problem, just try your best."

*swallows hard* I have forgotten virtually everything I've learnt about inversions and cadences. Die.

I stood by the side of the grand piano. It felt like an eternity while he played some random chords and asked me to tell him what I think it is... I felt like a piece of trash on the ground and everyone's trampling on me. It felt like ... a piano exam.

Then it was over. I sat down at the table (there was another old guy sitting there, who was introduced to me as a professor in composition) and the teacher asked if I had any more questions.

Still in a state of panic and nervousness, my mind was blank. So I said, "No."

And that was it.

When everything's over and done with, and calm and peace returns again, now I have some questions to ask him. -_-" Bleh.

Phew. I actually feel better after typing out all this. Lol.

Kudos to you all who actually read up till here. =D

Let's have a party at my place when I get back again...! Hahaha. But please, this time:

1. No throwing cakes in the pool.

2. No shoes and slippers allowed in the water.

3. Most importantly, please don't throw me into the water ... =X

I could still remember that day, after everyone was out and my dad returned home from work... and the sight of him standing by the pool, staring at the water.. =S

Don't think I need to say more. =P

I ought to be sleeping now but am not..

Many things on my mind for the past week. It's been one nerve-racking, rollercoaster week.

I know that I can always depend on God in spite of everything happening... Just praying and talking to Him leaves me with a great sense of peace in my heart. But I still need to talk to someone... but I don't really wish to bother you guys in Brunei 'cause of your AS exams...

Anyway.

Auditions tomorrow afternoon at UWA. A bit nervous, but just going to do my best. I should look presentable, so am deciding to wear a dress on one of those extremely rare occasions. =/

Btw... Hasinah!! Saw your tag, and yeah, I do have the Finding Neverland OST, can't stop listening to it everyday =) I'll email you soon! And also, Bev... hope you enjoyed your birthday lots! *hugs*

I remembered - sometime last year? - a conversation I had with my seven-year-old twin cousins, while on a trip to Miri.

They're eight this year; I'm ten years older than them. They're both looking more and more identical each time I see them... Most people can't tell them apart at first glance, but to family and close friends, you can tell the difference immediately. One has double eyelids, one doesn't... I think that's quite an obvious difference, but anyway, they're looking more and more alike now. The last time I saw them was in January this year when I went for my driving theory test... =( I miss my cousins.

In the car, on the way to this famous seafood restaurant in Miri (can't remember its name.. some of you might remember which one it is =P). Conversation was originally in Mandarin... well, I was struggling to explain myself in Mandarin to the twins, anyway.. x_x ..


Me: (looking at the twins and thinking aloud) Sharon... Shirley... ni men zhi dao ni men shi 'twins' mah? (Do you know that you are twins?)

(I can't say twins in Mandarin. Rather, I don't know how. XP)

(Stupid question, I know, but don't laugh at me for stating the obvious.. =( they were only 7 then, and probably didn't realize the significance of being twins...)

Shirley: She me shi 'twins'? (What are twins?)

Me: (dumbfounded)

I was at a loss for words. I turned towards my mom helplessly. I think my mom and my aunt explained to both of them, but anyway:

Me: Yeah, well, anyway, you both are very special. (still in Mandarin)

Shirley: What is 'special'?

Me: (at loss for words again. Turn to my mother) Ma, how you say 'special' in Chinese?

(Sorry lah, my Chinese so teruk... -_-")

After I got the word from my mom, I tried again.

Me: Okay, do you know that because you are twins, you are very special?

Sharon: But I don't want to be special...

Shirley: (agreeing with her twin. For some reason, the idea of being special wasn't appealing..)

Me: -_-"

Anyway, kids are cute that way. ^_^ After that, I tried to tell them that not many people have got twins, and that's why they're special. With a bit of help from my aunt and mom, they learnt the meaning of being twins that day.

*smiles proudly*

Eh-seh. Lol. Like I'm some kind of heroine like that. Haha. No lah. But it's interesting to talk to little kids sometimes. =)

I can't wait to see them... and my one-year-old baby cousin, living just next door... Haven't seen her in half a year, and she can already say 'mommy', 'daddy', 'jie jie' in that short time I'm gone... *sobs*

It's been a long day; long week, in fact; some things have happened, but a blog isn't exactly the best place to tell, is it? =D

I went to Burswood Dome this afternoon with a couple of friends, where they were having a huge discounted sale on every item which the State has confiscated from people, I presume, who were selling or importing or exporting illegally, so as you can imagine, you have all these original CDs and books, and clothes... and wah-lau, I have to say, I have never ever seen so many... *ahem* lingerie in my entire life. Rows and rows of panties and bras, all sorted into size lagi. Haha, it's almost hilarious. I mean, I don't understand how women can stand there and buy in front of everyone.

But that's beside the point. =P

So anyway, all these goods are for sale (books are sold for $5 each, regardless), while CDs basically were priced below $20. Even branded clothes were on sale at throwaway prices (a pair of Lee jeans cost you just about $20. I mean, good jeans sell for at least more than $30, I think??). The money from all the sales will eventually go to the government.

As expected, (and unsurprisingly), I spent my whole time in the CD and books section. Unfortunately, the books didn't appeal to me. At all. They were all obscure books by unknown authors, and all seemed boring to me. Sad. At $5 each, it was really a steal, but I don't want to anyhow buy books and then not read them later!

Friend A bought 2 CDs, friend B bought 5 CDs (I think) and friends C and D bought some T-shirts.

Me?

Just one CD. Haha. Most people were walking out with bags (what they buy, I also don't know). But I'm fickle that way. The CD is the original soundtrack for Finding Neverland.

I'm listening to it now, and it is just beautiful. It's very classically-orientated, and it really appeals to me. I remember watching the movie on the plane back to Perth (or was it to Brunei) in April. And (again) unsurprisingly, I tend to get distracted by the background music while watching... bad habit, I know, since I also tend to miss out on certain parts on the movie while I space out, straining my ears to listen to the soundtrack (which happened when I was watching Batman Begins, as well, lol.) And so yeah, when I snap out of my reverie, I'll be like, haaarh?? because the scene has changed.

The movie itself is really good; I guess I go more for these kind of films, the serious kinds - don't know what genre you would put them under (like Big Fish, The Pianist, etc.); but I do enjoy action films lah.

But the soundtrack!!! It's just.... so beautiful... the melody, the structure, the flow from one track into the other... the piano, violin... sigggh... *blissfully slips off into deep, pensive mood as she contemplates the music*

Um. *wakes up*

I'll be playing this CD over and over again for the next few days. =D

I've saved the best news for the last: My dad is saved!! I called my mom yesterday afternoon, and when she told me that my dad has accepted Christ for a few months now, I just couldn't help it; I broke down and cried on the phone. Even now, I'm still in a state of surprise. How? But this is kind of tied in with the "stuff" I mentioned at the beginning. And... my conscience is telling me, "This is a blog you're saying this in right now," and I shall stop here. You can only say so much in a blog. I don't know for you guys who have a blog, but for me, a blog can never truly fit the criteria of a "personal diary".

Anyway, can't wait to see you guys back home... Take care, everyone, and night!

I was just net surfing, and realized that Disney tends to base their stories on other stories. And just how much they "distort" the true story. So I did a bit of "Google-ing" and "Wikipedia-ing"... and this is what I thought. =P (Long, boring post ahead; just warning you guys.)

I’m sure we all know the story of Pinocchio… You know, puppet who was brought to life by the Blue Fairy? The companion and “Conscience”, Jiminy Cricket? Became a “half-donkey” on Pleasure Island, for naughty boys who don’t want to go to school, because he was tricked by the Cat and Fox? Saves his father, Geppeto, from the evil Monstro (that gigantic whale – is it a whale?) and he “dies” heroically at the end after they manage to escape from Monstro by making him sneeze - Geppeto brings him home, where he weeps over Pinocchio’s dead body, and the Blue Fairy comes and says, “You have proved yourself truthful, brave and unselfish. Now you shall become a real boy.” Something like that anyway.

And of course, they all dance at the end and… they live happily ever after.

Typical Disney movies. With all the typical Disney elements, as usual.

But do you know the real story of Pinocchio? *evil grin*

The real Pinocchio is not as “cute” as Disney made him, unlike the original Italian story written by Carlo Lorenzini. I’m sure some of you might have a vague memory or know something about the real Pinocchio. Really, Pinocchio is the worst boy you can ever find, who disobeys Geppeto, who is selfish, naughty and on the extreme end of naughty. Think of the naughtiest and mischievous kids you’ve ever met, and times that by 100. Yes, Pinocchio is that evil. That’s the word for it. Evil.

In fact, while Geppeto was making Pinocchio, in the process of becoming a puppet (the word “marionette” is used in the translation), Pinocchio kept kicking Geppeto (and Pinocchio is made from is very hard wood). And, after he was made, he runs out into the streets, where he manages to get Geppeto arrested by the police (I’m not going to go into details), and then after a whole day, he returns home at night, hungry and exhausted.

At this point in the story, we are introduced to the Cricket, who reveals himself to Pinocchio at and gives Pinocchio some really good advice (for naughty boys who refuse to listen to their daddies XP).

“Woe to boys who refuse to obey their parents and run away from home! They will never be happy in this world, and when they are older they will be very sorry for it.”

And after some retaliation from the stubborn Pinocchio, who tells the Cricket that he hates studying and prefers to playing all day long. The Cricket’s comments make Pinocchio more and more stubborn and angrier as well, and:

“Careful, ugly Cricket! If you make me angry, you’ll be sorry!”

“Poor Pinocchio, I am sorry for you.”

“Why?”

“Because you are a Marionette and, what is much worse, you have a wooden head.”

Hahaha, who knew the Cricket could be so sarcastic.

But unfortunately for him, Pinocchio picked up a hammer in anger, and threw it at the Cricket, “straight on its head.”

And the Cricket dies.

What a radical change from the Disney story. Oh, and the Cricket reappears several time in ghost form to Pinocchio throughout the rest of the story. Hm.

There’s so much more ‘horrors’ (really, and Pinocchio was meant to be a children’s story?). And I can comment so much and analyze the story (but I shall not for the sake of the ppl who dislike Literature). Also, the Fairy in the real story plays a larger role than the Disneyfied version.

In a nutshell, the real story is really a warning to all naughty little boys out there:

1. If you are naughty and don’t listen to your daddy, you shall suffer.
2. You will become a donkey in the end. ^_^ (Not just a puppet with donkey ears and tail. You turn into a full-fledged, “hee-hawing” donkey, ears, tails and all.)
3. You shall be tricked countless times by the Cat and Fox (who you believe to be your friends.)
4. Naughty boys will die (or at least meet some really bad trouble) if they hang out too much with bad friends as naughty as them or even naughtier than them.
5. Bottom line: do not be naughty. Or you’ll become a donkey and die.

Pinocchio isn’t the only original story to become so Disneyfied. If you don’t mind reading e-books and staring at the screen, you can read the whole original story here. It’s not too long, and if you’re free, do take a look. Personally I don’t really like reading books online, as it strains my eyes too much (and the last thing I need is for my degree to become higher) but well, if you want the true "horror" story… go! Read.

Oh yeah, as I said, Pinocchio isn’t the only Disneyfied story; the Little Mermaid as well. The real story by Hans Christian Andersen is just shocking. It’s not as lovey dovey and sweet or cute as Disney turned the story into…

In the original story, the Little Mermaid is called just that: Little Mermaid. No cutesy, unique, weird names. Just the Little Mermaid.

When she goes to the Sea Witch to turn into a human, she drinks that potion and goes all weird, right? The Little Mermaid, when she drank the potion, will suffer the feeling of having a sword pass through her. And at least Ariel didn’t have to go through the eternal, perpetual pain of pins and needles in your feet everytime you walk (as the original Little Mermaid did). Just imagine, everytime you walk, you feel like you’re walking on knives. And I can’t remember, but in the Disney version, I don’t think Ursula didn’t tell Ariel that she’ll die if the Prince doesn’t fall in love with her, right? But yeah, in both stories, they lose their voices in exchange, and can’t talk at all. But the motives and everything are different.

The original Little Mermaid just wants to live with the prince and obtain a soul and go to Heaven. While Ariel just wants the Prince to love her. And vice-versa.

In fact, while the Prince starts to fall for Ariel in the “wonderful world of Disney”, in the original story, he never does. He only loves the Little Mermaid like a parent loves a child, and in the end, falls for another princess from another kingdom (who happened to be the woman who rescued him on the beach after that shipwreck thingie; the Little Mermaid is the true rescuer. But while Ariel sings, the original Little Mermaid doesn’t leave the Prince any memories of her singing. Because she just didn't. ). And while in Disney, Ursula interferes by becoming a beautiful girl to seduce the prince, in the original story, it’s just according to “Fate”.

The thing is, if the Prince doesn’t love and marries the Little Mermaid, then she shall turn into foam and die. That’s the true story.

So, anyway, on the night before the wedding, the Little Mermaid is grieving because she knows that she will die. Her sisters visit her from the sea and tells her that she can become a mermaid again if she kills the Prince with a knife they obtained from the Sea Witch, in exchange for their hair. So obviously, the Sea Witch doesn't play any huge role. (Unlike the power-hungry, psychotic Ursula in Disney.)

But the Little Mermaid loves the Prince too much. She can’t bring herself to kill the Prince, so she throws herself into the sea and dissolves into foam. “But she doesn't die; she becomes a daughter of the air, a being invisible to humans. By striving for 300 years to do good deeds she will earn a soul, and float into the kingdom of heaven. But for every good child a daughter of the air finds she subtracts a year, and for every naughty or wicked child she weeps, and adds a day for every tear.” (As quoted from Wikipedia.) Read the translated original story here. And it’s shorter than Pinocchio, too.



See how evil these fairy tales really are?

Somehow, the original tales appeal more to me rather than the Disneyfied versions. ^^

And no, that’s not because I’m sadistic. O.o

I don't think I sound like Jerry in the last post, did I? I mean... um ... well... I didn't mean to.

But anyway!!

I'm liberated! From the clutches of exam, spelled H-O-R-R-O-R... from that feared word which causes late nights, last-minute cramming, panic attacks, etc. (Any symptom which you have experienced before applies.) Final paper over and done with... but only three weeks to my TEEs (Tertiary Entrance Examinations). And my piano exam.

Three weeks to finish what I've barely begun with my performance notes.

Just about one more month to coming back home.

I can't wait.

Oh, btw... my sister messaged me last night, telling me that I'll be back in time for the Toyota Classics 'used-to-be-annually' concert (27th November). Apparently they're featuring an opera this year, or something? Any of you want to join me? =D I remembered the last one I went to, in Form 4, the Northeast German Philharmonic Orchestra, which was just amazing.

It was the same event afterwards which Zakhir couldn't stop nagging me about countless times, after I gave him the free CD and programme booklet. (I had three of the same thing, as I had gone with my mom and my sister.)

"Why didn't you tell me??"

"Foonga, how could you?? You're supposed to be my friend!!" (accusing tone)

"Look at all the songs!! Oh my gosh, I love those songs, you traitor!!"

Well, something like that, anyway. I'm sure you guys can imagine. This brings up the memory of him with the blue ink back in Primary 6... lol.

I digress. I know that none of you will react like him, anyway. But, seriously, anyone interested in attending the concert this year? =) Ern, Tiong? Someone? Hui? Juang? I know you guys aren't such classical fanatics as I am... but... well, just asking...

Well, I have to go now. And please... don't tell me that I still sound like Jerry in this post... =

Just thought I'll take a "break" from my "break". =P My last paper (Human Biology) is on Thursday, might as well update. I mean, this is turning into Jerry's blog. And I'm sure you people missed seeing my updates, right? Lol. (So thick-skinned.. =P)

It's 6.41 p.m. now. I had my "dinner" an hour ago. Yes, dinner. My homestay has dinner abnormally early. I can still recall sometime at the beginning of this year. It was Feb/March, I think? Sitting in my room happily, doing my own things....

"Connie, chi fan le!"

(Literally, "Connie, eat rice already!" And yes, my homestay are China Chinese. We're just the, you know, "fake" Chinese. Considering how bad most of us are at our "mother" tongues. =P)

I glanced at the time. It is freaking 4.30 p.m.

With my appetite, you can imagine how hungry I was already by 8-ish. And the state of starvation I was in by 9 p.m. And finally cooking some instant mee or just put together some bread and jam by 10 p.m. because I can't take the hunger anymore.

Oh yes. Where was I...? Ah, okay:

It's 6.44 p.m. now. I say that, 'cause I was looking out of the window and suddenly realized... "Hey, it's still bright!"

I'm not being sarcastic here -_-" . The sun's just starting to set. In another one or two more weeks' time, it won't get dark till about 7.30 to 8 p.m.

Spring is finally here.

There's other signs of spring as well, like the naked trees starting to bud again, wildflowers spreading their pollen as far as they can, but... it is still COLD, not COOL. Remnants of Winter still remain behind, refusing to loosen her grip over what control she has left. (Okay, I feel myself switching into very English-y mode... stop. =P)

Sooo... my point is.

I don't know. Just being random..

Can't wait for after Thursday. Actually, not really much freedom or fun either. I still have to study, only about four weeks left before the final exams that will determine my fate (read: which Uni and course I can get into.) Plus, I still have my piano exam, and performance notes to write up, and it's not helping when my teacher told me that I need more time to write those programme notes (research, etc.) and time is what I don't have now.

Hence, I shall stop here and study. (Yeah, what am I still doing here?? o_O)

The sun has gone down too. How appropriate. =D

I bid thee adieu then. Till the sun doth rises again.

^_^

(Pale one retires and hibernates again.)

Sigh. I know that I said I'll be on hiatus for two months, but...

Was recording my audition tape the whole day today, from about 11 a.m. until 4 p.m. Plus an extra 30 min to record to my laptop and burn it to CD. Gaaah. THREE songs only. 3 classical songs, only 20 minutes long altogether, and I needed, what, FIVE hours to record it. I kept recording the first song over and over again 'cause I was not satisfied. Major stress. I loathe that song now. In fact, I had to redo the first two songs quite a number of times. My last piece was the only one which I could do in one go.

I must really thank Sherissa for helping me out with the video cam. I feel so retarded, looking at myself play. -_-" I still made a few mistakes, and I feel I can play better, but ah well. I called my teacher halfway through and she said that it's alright to make mistakes, it doesn't have to be perfect.

Then I called my mom, and she thinks that I shouldn't apply to Indiana U. anymore (sorry, Jerry!) My mom was thinking about it the past few days and she thinks that it's just too expensive to send me over to USA at this moment, what's more with THREE siblings behind me whom my dad still has to support. Sigh... then she said that I can always do my Masters there, after I finish my Bachelor degree here.

If I get accepted into Melbourne Uni or UWA, that is. And if I have that kind of ability to do Masters. (Thinking too far...)

Down to two unis. Talked to Ern just now and he asked, why not apply to UK. I dunno, I guess that I've ruled out UK unis 'cause of the really expensive tuition fees, after my mom said that it's just too much. And again, 'cause I still have two brothers and one sister my dad has to support. *Sings "It's all 'bout the money"~*

Sigh.

I don't mind doing my Bachelor degree here. Indiana U. would probably be better for Master and Doctorate degrees anyway, I guess. What's more, I never had the confidence that I could get accepted anyway. Their requirements are really high. (I mean, they have two Julliard School graduates on the piano faculty!! Julliard!!!) And my own piano teacher did say that I should just study here first...

My mom is still keen on me to do English. So I guess I'll probably like, do a double degree in Music/Arts.

Or something.

I still would like to study in the States. But as I said, if I have that ability, then I shall do my Masters or something there. Sigh. I know I can't give up Music. I can't.

I guess applying to universities isn't as easy as it appears... Money is always a big factor.

Dear Sa,

Yes, it's your Charmed DVDs. Seasons 2 and 3. And yes, you have to wait at least two more months before I get back.

Yours truly,
Connie.

Woosh. It's holidays now, and I've been really slacking the past couple of days. Watched two interesting foreign films. Last night, it was 'My Wife is an Actress', a French comedy-romance, rather entertaining. The two lead actors are real-life husband and wife. And just now, while I was channel-surfing (there is a way better variety of shows over here) an interesting looking movie caught my eye: a dark German film, The Experiment. It's an intriguing psychological movie and very disturbing, which is based on a book, based on a true story. In short, it's a psychological experiment gone wrong.

Incidentally, both films are rated MA+15. Heh. But hey, the storylines are rather good, in my opinion. Especially The Experiment, which has some rather good reviews. Go watch if you can find it wherever you are. =D

And Jerry... "five hours drive only"??? -_-; And plus, it's a very big if that I'll get accepted into Indiana U.. x_x

Mocks coming up in first week of October. I will probably be on hiatus for quite awhile. So bug Jerry for updates. The pale one shall become paler. 'Til mid-November. Over and out!

Thanks, Jerry, for your prayer.

The competition was alright; I never realized that I was in the Recital category, ages 18 to under 26.

Yes, you read that right. Therefore, I was literally the youngest person there (being 18 and 2 months+ years old =S). I was against people who were "older, wiser and better" than I am. (Lit students with Mrs. Manik of 2004: remember this quote? Lol.)

Needless to say, I didn't win anything. I didn't expect to; I was there merely for the experience and exposure. Haha, what's more, at my age, I was doing my first competition, when these people have been doing competitions their entire musical life. It was really obvious, especially with the blonde guy who won first prize. And wow, was he amazing. Confidence simply emanated from him as he played with such exuberance, energy and skill. I was blown away. I really enjoyed his performance… Oh, I wish I could describe it. But even words fail me here. You just had to be there to fully appreciate it. (Meanwhile I lament the small size of my hands.) Or you can just think of all the synonyms of amazing, great, wonderful, masterful, etc. Yeah, you get my idea. Lol.

I made a couple of mistakes, stumbled on the unfamiliar keys of the foreign grand piano, panicked at certain stages, and basically didn't feel like I was there at all. When it was over, I slowly slipped back into reality and it felt like mere seconds that I was up there performing.

Surreal.

The adjudicator was from University of Melbourne, and gave comments at the end of the recitals. I must add here, besides piano, there were flute, violin, as well as voice. Soprano lady got the second prize. She has an amazing voice too. The flute girl was high commended for her performance, which I thought was very good indeed. But in the end, it was clear that these people are confident and they know what they're doing. They know their stuff, to put it in a nutshell. I have no doubt that they must have won or at least competed at other competitions too. To them, this is nothing but just another one in the long line of competitions to come.

I got rather positive comments (and what is with examiners with barely legible writing?? Darn it, doctors, as well. It must be some sort of conspiracy so that we can never be able to read properly what they’re saying. >=) It was quite encouraging. I reproduce his comments on my second piece (well, try to anyway):

“Sculthorpe These were evocatively played with pleasing
attention + all detail – tempo, rhythm, pedaling, dynamic
Impression work hard!”

Took me some time to actually make that out. (I think that’s what Mr. Glenn Riddle is trying to say, anyway X_X) Sculthorpe is the name of the composer, by the way. And I don’t really get Mr. Riddle’s last few words. Anyhoo~ he did thought that my first piece (Bach’s Prelude and Fugue XII) needed a faster tempo for the Prelude as it was rather slow (I agree with him on that, actually).

So you see, I’m learning already! =D In the end, it’s ultimately preparing me for my diploma exam later on in early November.

Anyway, that’s my competition… and sorry if you don’t get the last few bits on comments and musical stuff, you don’t have to understand. And sorry if I sound like I’m blowing my own trumpet or anything, just telling it as it is… (Hides red face behind her hands.)

A-hem. Moving on..!

The more I read about Indiana University's School of Music, the more I hope to be admitted. Their School of Music is ranked among the top in the States. But their requirements obviously indicates a dedicated, passionate and talented student. Do I have that? I want to believe I do. I believe I do. At least I think I do. But is it enough?

Just a few minutes ago, while looking through the information and documents regarding application procedures and music auditions, etc., I was suddenly struck by a strong feeling of conviction that I want to do Music, no matter what. If I don't, I will regret for the rest of my life. I really will.

Thinking back on last night's competition, I realized that there are two ways I can treat it.

One, I can let myself be discouraged and deflated by the size of competition and talent out there. I can give up and believe that 'I can't reach that level, I just don't have that amount of talent and skill.'

Or, two, I can pick myself up, gain experience and learn from this, and strive to improve myself even more and work hard.

Which one will it be?

That's for me to know. And I don't even have to tell, do I?

Breathe.

Inhale. Exhale.

Hyperventilate.

Passes out.

In commemoration of an important day, you (Jerry Wong, yes, you) should feel extremely honoured that I'm taking time off my extremely busy schedule to wish you:

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY!!!

May God continue to guide you and bless you in your journey ahead. Hope you have a wonderful day. And not forgetting,

JOYCE!!! HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY as well!!

Here's a passage from the book of Proverbs for you guys to reflect on as you proceed in your future. Though the road ahead may not be smooth, and we may stumble every now and then, remember...

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;
and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him,
and he shall direct thy paths.

Be not wise in thine own eyes:
fear the Lord, and depart from evil.

It shall be health to thy navel,
and marrow to thy bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8 (KJV)

God bless and good luck!

Just came back from an Expo at University of Western Australia (UWA). I obtained all the information I needed for the Bachelor of Music degree.

But doubts are clouding my mind again. As I see it now, I have three options to do music: University of Melbourne; UWA, and hopefully Indiana University-Bloomington, School of Music (the one which I would have gone if not for Murdoch College.) IU has one of the best music schools. If I gain acceptance into all schools of music, I will definitely pick IU, no doubt about it. If.

[Frustration takes over]

Should I do Music? But if I do, what will I do after I graduate? I feel so confused. On the other hand, music is something I can't give up. I realize it deep in my heart now. So many times, I've had that feeling of the greatest conviction that, Okay, Connie, you are going to study music. It's something you love, and you have been doing it your whole life... it's you.

And then later on, the doubts come back to haunt my mind again and I think, But what if I can't make it? I mean, you guys think I may be talented and all, and I thank God for this gift that He's given me, but I can tell you that there are millions out there who are way more talented than I am.

I think to myself, my hands are small, and I still have difficulty trying to do octaves with my right hand (for some reason, my left hand is okay with octaves), while great composers like Liszt and Rachmaninoff could do twelfths. And I think, How the heck am I going to be able to handle songs with lots of octaves that only people with long fingers and huge hands can master?? (Ask a musical-knowledgeable person what a twelfth is.) And yeah, doubts like that keep plaguing my mind and playing on my fears of not succeeding. I doubt my own abilities. Sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough. Sometimes I think that I just can't go beyond where I am now. I want to improve myself, so much, but I get scared and wondered if this is really the limit. Is this all there is to it?

I don't expect myself to be the best pianist, and I know that there are better pianists than me. I can only do my best. And I know that I want to return to God what He has given me. My mother often told me... "Do your best, and God will do the rest." I believe that. I really do.

But then why am I so scared? I guess it's more of, what I'll be doing after I graduate. Wait, I don't want to think that far yet... Let's settle on whether I can even make it through the auditions or not!!

Apart from merely performing the pieces during the audition, there will also be a short interview, and when I found that out, fear took hold immediately. I don't really mind performing, it's just a matter of nerves, and controlling my nervousness, but interview?? The professor at the Expo today assured me that it's pretty general - just a few questions, like what you'd like to do with your music, etc.

And that's exactly my problem. What do I want to do with my music?

I need to talk to my mom.

Today was Multicultural Day, and I'm just glad to have a day off from studying. It wasn't too bad, ok-lah, but probably could have been better. =P Anyway, less talk and more visual. A picture speaks a thousand words, after all! ^_^ They're in chronological order, btw.

Ms. Dunbar-Smith, my TAG teacher, putting the finishing touches on my TAG (Teacher Advisor Group)'s stall. We were doing Greenpeace. Each TAG had to choose either an organization or a country. On our right was Germany, and our left was S'pore. It drizzled for a few minutes, while setting up our stalls, but fortunately the rest of the day was rather sunny and fine.

Lin, Claire, me, Hanisha. After setting up stalls, we were free to wander around to check out other TAGs, but most people went on a photo frenzy. Obviously. There was about an hour plus before the main program began.

Teruna, Pamela, me, Keisha (is that how you spell her name?) They're all from S'pore.

Dian and I. Dian is Indonesian-Chinese.

Navreen, Lisa, me. Both are in my E. Lit class, and Nav's in my Econs class as well. They're both Australians, but Navreen's roots are in M'sia.

Emily, Mizuha, Divya, Raechelle, Yasuko, ..um, don't know her name =/ .. After eight months, you can't expect me to know every Year 12 int'nal student's name. =p

Mary, last year's Murdoch Idol, who has a really beautiful voice. She's from the Phillipines, but grew up here. She sang a Filipino song.

Holly and I. We used to have Chem and Human Bio classes together, until I changed my timetable, and was put into different classes...

Raechelle, Holly, Divya. An attempt at French-plaiting the other person's hair. Haha. Randomness.

Hanisha, Ms. Kate Dunbar-Smith, me. Ms. DS is our Economics teacher, also my TAG teacher.

Guests from some primary school, who performed the Maori (the New Zealand indigenous ppl) traditional dance, called the Haka, also a kind of war dance. It was a bit comical, but probably 'cause it's done by primary schoolkids =P I'm sure that we would have been a bit more appreciative and awed if it was performed by actual Maori warriors. Lol.

Two adorable little girls came to perform a Scottish cultural dance, which is characterized by their hands laid stiffly by their sides, and resembles tap-dancing. Know Riverdance? Haha, yeah, it's something like that.

This was an interesting albeit rather tame Shaolin kung-fu demonstration by the Shaolin Association. No wild moves - just basic, prepared stunts (with each other, with swords, with daggers... as well as a bench) to show us.

Some random people from some Lawn Bowling association came to explain and demonstrate the art of lawn bowling, supposedly one of the biggest games in Australia.

Cute Jill! She came dressed in a Japanese outfit, but she was really cosplaying an anime character from a very popular Japanese anime. A few people did guess, and asked her. You anime-freaks should know this!! Can you guess?

The Australian Aboriginal spiritual dance.

The Malay performance by our own Ind'sian and M'sian students.

Some guy who won 'Australian Chinese Idol' last year (I never knew such a thing existed X_X) came to present 'Qing Fei De Yi' by Harlem Yu. (That really popular song few years back because of Meteor Garden, which, in my opinion, is one of the worst Taiwan dramas I've ever seen. Sorry to all F4 fans out there~)

Really random. Was bored, and sitting beside one of the Japanese students, Takaashi. Noticed his authentic Japanese slippers and discretely snapped this. Lol. The sneakers at the right top corner belongs to Takaaki =P

The dragon parade. It's cool, and all, but it's not Chinese New Year. I'm wondering why, and what is the significance of the dance at this time of the year. Bring prosperity and joy to Murdoch College? *skeptical laughter*

The dragon's head.

The flags.

Rungend and I. Didn't see her at all until the end of the festivities. Either that, or I'm just blur as usual. =/

The finale. Dragon dance and flags of the world. I still do not understand the significance of the dragon dance. -_-"

How multicultural do you think all that was? Well, hope you guys enjoyed the pictures! There are actually so many more, but I have to skive all the rest off my friends. Heh. I'll probably post up more group pictures next time.

Anyway, got to do my Eng. Lit. essay now, which is dued tomorrow... =( Ciao!

Just thought I’ll quickly blog before I go to sleep… Welcome to A Day In The Life of Connie Foong.

I rushed home from school as soon as possible as soon as possible. I quickly showered, changed, grabbed everything I needed for my piano lesson and then for church fellowship meeting afterwards. I met Thel Khin on the bus, which was really interesting… She showed me a really nasty bruise on her left lower arm, which had seven jabs. Yep, she and her lab partner had just practiced jabbing each other with needles that afternoon. *Shudder* Which is why I can never be a doctor. She thought it was “cool”. Ah well, to each her own.

I digress.

Anyway, coming back to my piano lesson… I know, I know, so what; it’s just a piano lesson. But today, I stepped into my teacher’s apartment at about 5.10 p.m. (I arrived a tad bit early), and was greeted by the sight of three lovely children; two little boys, one about six, the other probably ten, were sitting at the table, doing theory, and my piano teacher was teaching the little girl at the piano, who looks about six too.

The ten-year-old smiled at me. “Hello,” he said.

I smiled back and said, “Hi.” Kids can be so adorable.

Okay, you may think. So what? You have a piano lesson, and you met these cute children. Yeah, whatever.

But wait! There’s more. You may call me really gullible and over-reacting, even, but…

I sat at the table and waited. It’s always interesting to meet other students my teacher teaches… even if they are all younger than me.

A few minutes later, the two boys started speaking to each other. I didn’t pay much attention at first as I was watching the little girl and my teacher, but then their conversation caught my ears.

“Ooh, they’re speaking another language,” I realized. They looked Asian, and I tried to identify what they were speaking. Japanese? (Nope, I’ve been around Japanese friends enough, and watched way too many anime.) Korean? (Nah, I’ve watched enough Korean dramas and heard the Korean ‘gang’ in my school enough times, too.) Vietnamese? Cantonese? Negative and negative. Weird. Some sort of exotic language. It sounded really unique.

“Connie, do you want some coffee?” my teacher asked me, breaking my train of thought. “I have some mocha, if you like.”

Ooh, yes, please. I’ve become somewhat a coffee addict of late.

While I got myself the mocha (the kitchen is just adjacent to living room), I got curious and asked my teacher in Mandarin, “Where are they from? And what language are they speaking?”

“Oh, they’re from Mauritius,” she answered. “They speak French.”

Wow, talk about unique. That was cool. Apparently they’re migrants. But it’s très cool. And, what’s more, it’s not everyday that you actually get to listen to a French conversation!

Have you ever heard little kids communicate with each other in French? *wide grin* It was really intriguing and interesting to hear French coming out of their mouths; so cute and innocent.

Haha, I know, I’m just really ‘sakai’. But I always enjoy listening to little kids talk in foreign languages. I mean, come on, even a little boy or girl speaking in Japanese or Cantonese sounds really cute, especially if they’re quite fluent. Same case here. But it’s French. I want to learn, too!!

Later on, after they left (and I found out that the younger two siblings, are fraternal twins), and towards the end of my lesson, my teacher started playing Canon in D, which was arranged for the harp. That led to an enthusiastic talk about harps. My teacher is learning to play the harp, and she told me that it’s really similar to the piano; once you know the piano, harp is really easy.

Remember one of the things that I can't do? I can't play the harp, but I definitely want to learn how to play the harp! But~ a harp costs about $3000, according to my teacher. o_O

Nooo…. I vowed right then and there that I shall be a millionaire by the time I’m 30, buy a harp and learn!!!

Oh yeah. To Patty and DJ, about the competition. I quote the letter they sent me:

“…Your family and friends are also welcome to attend – there is a small fee at the door.”

So yeah, you guys just have to show up at UWA and buy the tickets at the door. For a “small fee”, of course. But thanks for actually wanting to come. Very much appreciate your support. Although I doubt I’ll win anything, it’s really more for the exposure and for me to gain more confidence for my Diploma exam later on. (Those aren't my words; they're my teacher's =P)

I just realized that I'm really random... jumping from French to harps to competitions.

Well, that’s just a day in the life of Connie. Night night!

Jerry... you are obviously very, very, very bored. Do post up something of QUALITY, my dear boy. And help, we're getting spam in the comments. It's irritating to read something like, "Hey, I stumbled upon your blog, and I think it's really cool and interesting so I'll bookmark you blah blah blah , by the way, if you're interested in gardening, visit so-and-so site."

-__-;

Watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory yesterday. Wasn't too bad, but if you are a huge fan of Roald Dahl's books, then you would share some of my disappointment in the portrayal of the Oompa Loompas. I have never seen such ugly, irritating faces, all identical, how gay they are when they're dancing, and oh, not to mention, the songs. The hip-hop, pop background music is just... *shudders as she recalls their dance moves*

Not to say that it was totally bad, I mean, at first, I was just really amused and laughed, but it just became really irritating later on. It's so weird. I enjoyed the book a lot... and after the movie ended, I just really wanted to get my hands on the book to wash my brain of those scary images of dancing Oompa Loompas. Yeah, as you can see, I have a problem against them in the movie. =P

Phew~ Now that I've ranted out that, Patricia was so "kind" as to pass me the 7 Things Baton. I have to say, I have absolutely no idea what to write. So excuse me for the nonsense.

7 Things That Scare Me

1. Horror movies. And you guys should know this better than I do.
2. Er... walking home alone after the sun sets. I mean, I try not to think too much. ^_^
3. If anything happens to my family.
4. Ugh... I can't think of anything!!! How about... Jerry dressing up as a drag queen.
5. What else... my laptop dying on me... It's not really scary, but I'll be freaked out. Does that count?
6. (Mind blank... There's got to be something else... )
7. Yay, we've reached the last number! =D Er... um .... ah...

I give up. Next, please!

7 Things I Like The Most
Ah, this I can probably answer better.

1. Music.
2. Books! Particularly fantasy.
3. Dogs, puppies; I like cats too.
4. Oh no. My mind's shutting down on me again... I know!! FOOD! *huge grin*
5. I like... I like... I like... I like to sleep. Right now.
6. Oh, no, there's more?? Alright, alright, I like my laptop.
7. (Sudden thought) I like the companionship and caramaderie of friendship when I'm with my friends...

Moving on..!

7 Important Things In My Room
Can I make it through this one without drawing a blank??

1. My laptop.
2. My bed. Hehehe.
3. My keys... or I'll be locked out.
4. Um... my water bottles. Yes, that's plural. I'm not going to die of thirst in my own room.
5. My calendar.
6. My phone.
7. FOOD!! (I have a hoard of snacks in my room... ^_^)

Wow, that went by fast.

7 Random Facts About Me
Whaaaa....?

1. Um. I'm extremely blur. But I suppose you all know that already.
2. I'm slightly allergic to cats... =( My skin becomes itchy and my eyes itch, and turns red and teary... (Bet some of you didn't know that, eh?)
3. I... play the piano and violin, and a bit of guitar.
4. I.... like to read. =D
5. I......like to gaze at the night sky, full of twinkling stars.
6. Oh yeah. I'm EXTREMELY gullible. No doubts about that. Time has proven it, again and again...
7. My unruly wavy hair has been straightened about 5 times as of now. For the past four years. Jan'05 being my fifth time. I think... (Haha, how's that for random?)

7 Things I Plan To Do Before I Die

1. Backpacking around the world, visit as many countries as I can, with my friends.
2. A PhD in Music or some other course? LOL. (An obscure dream, but nevertheless a dream.)
3. Meet my special someone.
4. Live somewhere else (other than Brunei, Malaysia or Australia) for at least 10 years of my life.
5. To be able to play Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3 in D Minor...Rachmaninoff's piano concertos are among the hardest and most difficult, and the Third Concerto is supposedly to be famous for its technical and musical demands on the performer. And with my small hands... =( But it'll be so cool to master it. It's approx. 45 minutes long. =D
6. Go on a mission trip and evangelise.
7. I just realized, my lists are making more sense now. Lol. And finally... to tell my family how much I love them. And we all know how hard it can be to say, "I love you."

7 Things I Can Do

1. I can play the piano!! And Beethoven's Pathetique Sonata at that. =P But still, nothing compared to Rachmaninoff... :(
2. I can read.
3. I can write!
4. I can walk!!
5. I can talk!!! (Sounds like Pinocchio... -_-")
6. I believe, therefore I can. =P
7. I can swim. And let me tell you, it counts, 'cause there are many people who can't swim!! =P

7 Things I Can't Do

1. I can't play the harp. I want to learn. That's one thing I definitely must learn!!
2. I can't ... try to act not blur.
3. I can't lie. For some reason, if I try to, I'm always found out, like, 3 seconds into my lie. I fail miserably at lying. Hahaha. That's probably a good thing.
4. I can't cook proper meals. *Reminder: Must get Mom to teach me all her delicious dishes when I get back.
5. I can't stop thinking.
6. I can't stop worrying.
7. I can't stop the urge to just stop right here. =P But I will persevere and finish the rest of this.

7 Things I Say The Most
What do I say the most, anyway? I don't pay any particular attention to my speech, and this is probably one that you guys are better able to answer anyway.

But I do know what I say the most:

1. Going, "Haaaaaaah?" when I hear something really ridiculous or shocking. As in, really loud and gullible-sounding "Haaaaaaah?"s.
2. "I'm going to die, I'm going to die..."

Can I give two only?

7 Celeb Crushes
Man, I'm not even up-to-date with the entertainment world nowadays.. I'll try.

1. Tobey Maguire. That came about after I watched Spiderman. Lol.
2. Ewan McGregor. Hehehe. That happened after Moulin Rouge. I didn't even know that he was Obi-wan Kenobi in Star Wars until my brother told me... -_-"
3. Johnny Depp. (Most people would probably groan at this one.)
4. Edison Chen!!~
5. I used to like Ekin Cheng as well. =S
6. A long time ago, I liked Kian from Westlife. But that's like, two, three years ago?
7. Keanu Reeves. Now, how could I have forgotten him? =D

I'm finally done!!! Liberated from the clutches of this thing. I really don't know who else to pass the baton to... 7 other people? Hm... I'd like to send to Unique Unity, but that'll be cruel, to kena all of them at once. Haha.

Sharon and Jerome from Luvsickz, Juan, Beverly, Joyce and Azam from Unique Unity, and finally... Jerry Wong, my blog partner. =P

Hope you guys enjoy stressing over cracking your heads in thinking up things, though for some of you it might be easier. Haha.

Off to eat dinner now! (Yes, I know, it's freakin' early, compared to our normal dinnertime in Brunei about 7-8 p.m.) But what to do..? =/ Bye bye!

Sorry for not updating the past few days... but I have to say first, that I probably won't post so regularly in the coming next few months or so, with my school exams and piano exam coming up.

I've just confirmed my date for my DipABRSM exam. 5th November, 2005. Morning. Time not confirmed yet.

What's more, my final exams start on 7th November.

[Takes a deep breath... Exhales]

I have three tests lined up this week, all in a row. I have two tests next week. I have one test (at the moment) the week after. Hip hip hooray.

I have a piano competition on the 21st, and I shall not panic.

I need a break. Like, seriously.

On a brighter note, Multicultural Day is next week, on the 13th. I'm really looking forward to that. It's more for the break from studying, actually. And I'll probably take lots and lots of pictures, if possible.

Just listened to the news on the radio... Another plane, another, has crashed in the 3rd largest city in Indonesia... (That makes it about the third or fourth (?) major plane incident in less than two months' time. I think. Someone correct me..?)

What is this world coming to?

四是四，
十是十。
十四是十四,
四十是四十。

Just being 无聊 [wúliáo] here. Don't mind me.

*For those who can't read; ask someone to tell you! ;p See if you can pronounce it right. It's not hard. =D

The Road Not Taken
Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


I like this poem. I very much doubt that any of you would actually have taken the time to read through it and reflect on its meaning. But it really reflects the crossroads at which most of us are right now, doesn't it?

For me, the first stanza really captures that dilemma of decision making: standing there, confused. Two paths diverge before you, and wanting to go down both, but you can't. And just like the voice in the poem, we look down the path, trying to look far into the future, but like the undergrowth that mars our view so, our future is uncertain and clouded.

But unlike the voice in the poem, we don't know which path we will take yet: Will we take the well-worn path, trodden by so many others before us, or will we take "the one less traveled by"?

Only time can tell... Five or ten years later, where will we be? Will we be satisfied with the path we have taken?

Sorry if this post is too "literary" for some people's tastes... Just feeling a bit reflective tonight.

On a brighter side... there HAS to be a way to reconcile the time differences in our blog, Jerry. X_X I realize that this blog is actually following YOUR time, which is, like, hours behind mine, so I have to change the time and date everytime I post... and that explains why your posts always end up below mine, even if you posted AFTER me.

I know... let's take the Greenwich Meridian time instead =P